I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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