mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
