OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
barbara walters just said penis...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize