I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
