Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
