That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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