My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
