If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
