All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
