why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
