I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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