As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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