There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
