glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
