meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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