I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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