nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Define "chronic" masturbator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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