Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
