I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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