Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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