After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
