my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
