im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
