Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
