also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
