So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
