Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
