I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
