u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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