My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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