What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize