I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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