Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
