being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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