Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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