Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
