My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
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there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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