Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
