I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
