So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
