He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
