question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
