I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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