I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
