Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
