first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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