im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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