The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
