I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
