She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
