And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
