my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
