i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
