is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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