Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
