Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
