your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
